Pretty Fucking Good

by Samantha Capps

So I’m lying on my back on the back end of my car, my legs dangling off the trunk, my head on the back window, and I’ve changed out of my dress pants from work and into a pair of short-shorts so I can feel the breeze against my legs, the breeze that’s full of the newness of fall, and beside me is an empty bowl out of which, minutes ago, I ate pasta with pesto and zucchini, a meal I cooked for myself, which is unusual for me, lazy-eater me, and as I lie there, staring upwards, watching birds frolick in the air, the neighbors come home, first the Asian lady a few apartments over who tries to talk to me sometimes even though I can never really understand what she’s saying through her accent, and then the Hispanic family to the left of my apartment, a woman with two kids and now I think her sister is staying there with her kid, and all of them are always yelling and laughing and playing in Spanish, and I remember how last night they were outside, and the kids had found a stray cat and were talking to it and playing with it and begging theirs moms to let them keep it, and the argument switched back and forth from Spanish to English to Spanish again so many times I lost track of it, and so I sit up and wave to them and see everything around me, my car with the side-mirrors held on with duct tape, the apartment that’s kind of dingy, paint peeling from the red front door, but otherwise a nice, cozy spot, and plants out front, the plants I planted, which I had never done before, plant plants, and there’s a vegetable growing and I don’t what it is because the seeds were a gift from a friend who didn’t tell me what they were, and even though my world feels broken and my body hurts and my brain won’t stop thinking about people that I can’t figure out and my life, which I also can’t figure out, and all the math I need to study and how I still need to wash to dishes and the big FACT DU JOUR, which is “Oh my god, I have no idea what I’m doing,” I think that maybe this moment right now is pretty fucking good.